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Moving on and saying goodbye…

18 July 2018 by Nathalie Abejero Leave a Comment

She kept us on our toes for six weeks, clocking an impressive array of medical emergencies one after the other. Who knew that heart failure could be so stunning, and tragic, and poignant. I got front row seats to a thoracentesis procedure, where the fluid was sucked out of her lungs through a long needle. I got to sit with the MRI technician at 3 am as he isolated the network of carotid arteries on the screen, searching for the occlusion. I got a crash course in thyroid function and how it slowly but steadily weakened one system after another, the signs flashing by without me recognizing their urgency except in hindsight. She racked up to eleven specialists/teams coordinating her care by the end, with visits nearly every hour ’round the clock.
 
The oncologist said the cancer was already growing for around 10 years – in other words an indolent or low-risk biology. It was just one of the problems I watched her ignore when I found out about it nearly a year ago. There was no convincing her, as she discontinued all medical visits and her one medication, in what I think is her way of going away quietly without being a burden to anyone. She thought she was being kind, thinking quietly of others in her unobtrusive way as she had done all of her life. Except things don’t work that way. When her dementia finally set in enough to allow me to take charge, I pushed aggressively for the medical visits and tests. By then she trusted me for everything. But all the medical advances at the hands of an incredibly coordinated care team at Mount Sinai Hospital wasn’t enough. The descent into progressive systems failure isn’t painless and, in her case, accelerated a dementia that wouldn’t have taken her as quickly if she’d just continued her healthcare regimen. None of these stick around in her memory because the neurons and pathways have deteriorated, and there’s little energy to spare past the increasing chronic pains. Meanwhile, people who love you watch helplessly and run around like chickens with heads cut off, scrambling to make things better. 
 
It’s a raw emotional landscape, uphill in every direction with few high ground. You go from berating yourself for not doing enough, to resenting her for not taking care of herself. In the midst of all the bad-to-worse news you get one small breakthrough, and then the universe takes that away. And it cycles around again. So you take it out on everyone else who love you while retreating from friends and others who try to reach out. And you feel horrible through all of it. But you do it all again the next day.
 
I know all my wants are selfish – she has a right to her decisions and the pain even if she didn’t ask for it. She likely knew what she was doing.
 
I wish I knew if she understood any of what happened these six weeks, or still recognized how much we love her, even after her brain finally let the fading memories go, including who I was.
 
I wish I can say thank you or buy chocolates for all the strangers or colleagues or friends who braved that miserable fog themselves, and are giving a guiding hand or are simply there through the fiber optics. 
 
It’s done now, after nearly six weeks of intense days with her. It was sudden and shocking and sad.
 
Til next time, Mom. I love you both and know you’re together again..

[Read more…] about Moving on and saying goodbye…

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: elderly, elderly care, end of life, love, medicine, Mount Sinai, orphan

Late night hospital watch rambling

4 July 2018 by Nathalie Abejero Leave a Comment

The waning moon is still bright, and I think to the Kingdom’s geckos that are starting to tuck in on the other side of the planet. It’s the fifth night sleeping in a chair by my mom’s hospital bed. I look over at her and my next thought is whether it’s Hypnos or Morpheus who rules over the land of eternal darkness, beyond the gates of the rising sun…

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Cambodia, elderly care, hospital

Protecting kids from identity theft

3 February 2018 by Nathalie Abejero Leave a Comment

Chief Mom Officer recently posted about tax identity and corporate identity theft, followed by a great piece on protecting children’s identity. She posts:

27% of child identity theft crimes are committed by people who know the child – friends or family members, sometimes even parents. The remaining 73% of crimes are committed by criminals who steal the child’s information either through a data breach or good old-fashioned theft. They then create a synthetic identity for the social security number, using the real number combined with a fake date of birth to steal the identity and use it – likely undetected – for years.

The entire post is worth a read: Thieves Are Coming For Your Children – Protect Their Identities.

I recently started looking into securing the kids’ credit files, after we locked ours down following a string of fraudulent credit activity. It was easy enough for us to do, but what a chore it is to do the kids’ (minors). Some of the required documents make me wonder how the credit reporting agencies will use this info. And it makes me so angry that we have to pay fees for preventive steps (TransUnion charges a fee but Experian and Equifax do not)! It’s capitalizing on the front end, and then when a breach of their systems occurs, we get to shell out again for “further protection”!

Anyway, these sites below provide instructions on both obtaining your child’s credit report (minors should not have one) and requesting a security freeze:

  • Equifax
  • Experian – online portal available for submission of letter and attending documents
  • TransUnion – charges a fee in some states

Additional tips to protect against Child Identity Theft from the Federal Trade Commission (FTC):

  • Find a safe location for all paper and electronic records that show your child’s personal information
  • Don’t share your child’s Social Security number unless you know and trust the other party. Ask why it’s necessary and how it will be protected. Ask if you can use a different identifier, or use only the last four digits of your child’s Social Security number.
  • Shred all documents that show your child’s personal information before throwing them away.
  • Be aware of events that put information at risk. For example, there’s an adult in your household who might want to use a child’s identity to start over; you lose a wallet, purse or paperwork that has your child’s Social Security information; there’s a break-in at your home; or a school, doctor’s office or business notifies you that your child’s information was affected by a security breach.

I’m taking the time to do this now, to prevent time-consuming and ongoing paperwork that the kids will have to go through if this ever happens to them. Identity theft leaves a huge burden of work on its victims.

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: child identity theft, credit report, equifax, experian, ID theft, online privacy, transunion

Chai recipe for these cold winter mornings

3 February 2018 by Nathalie Abejero Leave a Comment

My favorite chai recipe:

  1. Bring to a boil 2:1 ratio of Black tea:Lipton in ~2c water
  2. Add the following whole spices. I usually just toss a couple of each in to the pot or tea sock.
    • Star anise
    • Cardamom
    • Whole cloves
    • Allspice
    • Cinnamon (half a stick)
    • Ginger (bash up some slices)
    • Bay leaves
  3. Turn heat off
  4. Add palm sugar to taste
  5. Add 1 cup whole milk at the last part

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: chai, recipe

Weekend at New Paltz, NY, and Mohonk Mountain House

30 January 2018 by Nathalie Abejero Leave a Comment

New Paltz, NY, is a picturesque village in Ulster County (Hudson Valley region), just under an hour’s drive from NYC. We spent the weekend at a farmhouse before moving on to the hotel where I was attending a work meeting for three days.

Fire pit at the Robibero Family Vineyards. They have board games inside that entertained the kids while we did an extensive tasting. It’s an expansive outdoor setting with picnic benches and tables on a huge balcony overlooking the vineyards. Staff were so great with the kids and gave them pizza baked in the outdoor oven.
We caught the Chili Challenge again this year at the Water Street Market
The Mohonk Preserve Foothills Gatehouse. Photo courtesy of Keith Kelly – More of his photos of Mohonk and New Paltz are at https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithkelly/albums/72157676203397664/with/32512450892/

This is the second year I attended a meeting held at Mohonk Mountain House, in the Mohonk Preserve that’s set in the Shawangunk Mountains. It’s the dead of winter, with very few activities and most of the trails closed due to ice. But it’s such an isolated, idyllic environment that the winter solace makes it so peaceful, notwithstanding the creepy “institution” vibe the setting gives!

Photo courtesy of Keith Kelly – More of his photos of Mohonk and New Paltz are at https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithkelly/albums/72157676203397664/with/32512450892/
Photo courtesy of Keith Kelly – More of his photos of Mohonk and New Paltz are at https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithkelly/albums/72157676203397664/with/32512450892/
View outside our room
The trails were closed but you can sneak on to them. This cove was from the trails outside the newer end of the buildings. Photo courtesy of Keith Kelly – More of his photos of Mohonk and New Paltz are at https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithkelly/albums/72157676203397664/with/32512450892/

 

View from the Conference Rooms and main house
It snowed on the last day
View from the Parlor where afternoon tea is served by the fireplaces
Meeting attendees had a spare 20 minutes to test out the skating rink
The pool was almost always empty. Photo courtesy of Keith Kelly – More of his photos of Mohonk and New Paltz are at https://www.flickr.com/photos/keithkelly/albums/72157676203397664/with/32512450892/

On the weekend before we went to Mohonk, we stayed nearby in a farmhouse that we found through AirBnB. We had a lovely host at her fantastic historic farmhouse and barn, where the kids got to feed the chickens and observe some wildlife. I’m a fan of the hosting platform now!

Check out this awesome heating stove
And check out this ancient wood stove!

Filed Under: Travels Tagged With: AirBnB, Chili Challenge 2018, farmhouse, Hudson Valley, Mohonk Mountain House, Mohonk Preserve, New Paltz, NY, Robibero, Shawangunk Mountains, Ulster County, Water Street Market

Holiday windows in NYC

30 December 2017 by Nathalie Abejero Leave a Comment

It’s been a while since I posted. The NYC existence is more hyper-paced and complex than life was in Asia! On the one hand, there’s endless resources, not to mention a good network of similarly-minded families. I love the seasons, the snow and Christmas! Then on the other hand, I’ve never met so many medicated people before (e.g., Xanax)! Not sure if that’s a reflection of the circles I end up interacting with..? I’m sure the political situation has no small impact on this. For sure, the US environment is shockingly different after 11 years abroad, but it’s a more sobering change than a positive one. Anyway.. back to the cheerier topic of the holidays. We’re under a cold spell this past week but, unluckily enough (or maybe luckily!), we didn’t get any snow compared to the massive deluge that most of the Northeast experienced these past five days!

We were able to squeeze in the tourist trawl – past the Bloomingdales windows, through the five star hotel lobbies, down Fifth Avenue, taking in the windows of Bergdorf Goodman and Saks. Each of Bergdorf’s windows was designed by one of the city’s museums. So gorgeous – and then there’s Sak’s poshly decorated facade, complete with light show and blaring Christmas music you can hear from blocks away. We ducked away from that and into Rockefeller to show the kids the big tree. You’d think the crowds would be thin in this bitter cold but it isn’t. Fun times..

Happy holidays!

Window design by the New York Botanical Garden
Window designed by the New York Philharmonic
Window design by the New York Historical Society
Window design by the Museum of the Moving Image
Window design by the Museum of Natural History
Atlas

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: 2017, bergdorf goodman, rockefeller center

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Those little feet pitter-pattering about rule our lives lately. But on the occasional free moment I get to tap out scatterbrained bursts of consciousness about raising toddlers in Cambodia, traveling with them and working abroad. These posts are my personal updates to friends and family. But since you’re here, have a look around. Thanks for stopping by…

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