expat

food as a cultural experience for preschoolers

8 April 2014 by Nathalie Abejero 13 Comments

Welcome to the April 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Family Pastimes

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and wisdom about family pastimes.

Our preschooler tried a bite of vindaloo. He’s trying to like it, but his face blanched and he tried to wipe the heat off his tongue with a napkin. I slid a glass of mango lassi his way. Eating out remains a treat we indulge in, and we regularly bring the kids. It entails lots of advance notice and build-up (reward system). Our older one loves the novelty of a restaurant meal so we use that. Our agreement? He can join us on these special nights out if he will try every dish that comes to the table. It’s ok to dislike something, but only after trying it. (Luckily we work and live in a region – outside the West! – whose cultures are extremely kid-friendly; when they were babies waitstaff even held them so we could eat, and gave them back with the bill!)

Photo: Khmer breakfast foods (L-R) chicken rice, rice porridge and beef stew with noodle. The plate of greens is for the stew.

Before kids, we were perpetually exploring – touring our city, traveling, trying different cuisines and experimenting with new recipes and pairings.

But those days of discovery have downshifted, because predictability is key to keeping the peace. Itchy feet are grounded, spontaneity’s swapped for routines, and flavors are kicked down a notch. Further, one child is a bit spirited, and with the territory comes high sensitivity to change. There are some slow years ahead.

Kids adopt the level of open-mindedness and worldview they’re exposed to by environment and hands-on parenting. But what else can we do to cultivate curiosity for the unfamiliar and nurture a passion for travel, especially at very young ages?

For us, food’s the ticket for cultural exposure. It started with transitioning to solids. The standard advice wasn’t easy. Making and hauling jars of pureed food around Cambodia in this tropical heat took too much effort. So the kids went from breast milk to gumming chunks of fruit and vegetable, whatever was in season, like the local kids do. They were exposed to a variety of unusual produce this way, and their palate for freshness was established early. It’s a start.

But developing that nomadic palate?

Thankfully, one of the kids is an indiscriminate nibbler and game to try anything she sees her parents eating. But her sibling? He loves carbs, with everything scraped clean off – sauces, toppings, and spreads. So he trained us well in sneaking things into these staples for subtle flavor – turmeric, melted brie, pureed eggplant. Sometimes it works.

We make an effort to bring the little boy on market or grocery shopping trips. He chooses some vegetables and then he’s enlisted in meal prep. He gets simple tasks like cutting the vegetables. It’s slow, and it gets messy, but because they’re involved in the process, both kids chow on the raw ingredients. And since they “help” make it they’re more inclined to try the finished dish even if it’s “strange”. It’s been effective.

There are also big successes with eating out. The little boy was suspicious of the Moroccan harira and tagine, so he filled up on couscous and kefta. He gave the traditional Mexican dish chilaquiles a pass, but devoured the freshly-made tortillas with salsa and drank horchata in between bites of tres leches. He likes Filipino adobo and kare-kare, and Singapore’s trademark pepper crab. We’ve even gotten him to try if not appreciate ugali, mohinga and durian. And when there’s good wine or beer he gets to dip a finger in it.

These are small steps, and immature palates seem to be growing adaptable. The great thing about food is that it’s a foot in the door to broader exploration as they grow. Food is a cultural expression, and a great topic for the dinner table.

It helps to have toy airplanes, maps and globes around. It isn’t much effort to chat up our meal’s geography, especially for their level of understanding. Like why stews (like borscht) or preserved meats (like lutefisk) are popular in cold climates. And why sashimi is common in an island country. We talk about fiery Thai dishes, and how its signature chili originated on the other side of the planet in the Americas.

These discussions seem sophisticated, but there’s context for countries that family and friends are from, or that they’ve been to, or cultures they read about in their books. Even at such a young age, the dots connect – including ones we hadn’t thought of. We’re frequently reminded to stop treating our precocious preschooler like a kid. So recently we’ve embarked on a project with him to write and publish a dual-language picture book of his favorite Khmer foods, for his little sister. We’ll see how this project goes…

It’s a struggle to fit travel in these days. Food exposure pushes their limits and fosters curiosity and a sense of adventure. Someday we’ll hit the road again. But for now the journey begins with modest steps. Besides, a good relationship with food ultimately has lifetime benefits aside from facilitating cultural exposure – for everyone in the family.

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On this theme of food as a cultural experience for kids – check out this great post and carnival blogging series, Around the World with Pancakes: Apfelpfannkuchen (German Apple Pancakes: To Bake or Not to Bake). The blog carnival is Around the World in 12 Dishes.

And food-themed books that we’ve enjoyed (links to Goodreads reviews): Cora Cooks Pancit

¡Hola Jalepeño!

Hot Hot Roti for Dada-Ji

How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

8 Reasons to Go Camping with Your Kids — The weather is warmer, and it is time to think about taking a break. As you plan your family vacation, Mandy of Living Peacefully with Children, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, explains why you should consider hitting the trails with your kids.
Crafty Cohorts — Kellie at Our Mindful Life enjoys crafting with her kids, and the skills they are learning.
10 Hobbies For Families With Young Children — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama knows that finding hobbies families can do together (with young children in tow) isn’t always the easiest of feats. She has compiled a list of 10 family friendly hobbies that children of all ages can enjoy and that won’t break the bank!
Helping Himawari — Sophelia’s family at Sophelia’s Adventures in Japan share a passion for helping when a dog is abandoned at the nearby elementary school.
The ‘Art’ of Having Fun — Marija Smits shares some thoughts on family art and fun.
How we made our own Family Day — Lauren at Hobo Mama shares how her family celebrates the best day of the week, a chance for connection and adventure and endless possibilities: Family Day!
Our Family Hobby — Survivor talks about how animal husbandry has become her family’s favorite hobby at Surviving Mexico Adventures and Disasters.
Sowing the Seeds of Passions — Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs wonders if her interests, and her husband’s, will shape her children’s passions as they mature.
Harry Potter Potions Party — One of the best activities Dionna at Code Name: Mama has ever done with her family has been a Harry Potter Potions Party. She is sharing the resources she used to create their potion recipes, the ingredients and tools they experimented with, and the recipes themselves. Feel free to use and adapt for your own budding wizards and witches!
Pastimes Have Passed Me By — Kati at The Best Things takes a new perspective on projects that never get done.
Food as a cultural experience for preschoolers — Nathalie at Kampuchea Crossings finds that food is a good way to engage her preschoolers on a journey of cultural discovery.
10 Reasons I Love Thrifting With My Children — That Mama Gretchen has always enjoyed shopping, but with a growing family she’s become more frugal and thus, her little ones are now in tow on her thrift store adventures.
Pastime with Family vs Family Pastime — You can share lots of pastimes with your family, but Jorje of Momma Jorje discovered a family pastime was much more pleasant for sharing.

Silent courage of mothers in rural Cambodia

11 March 2014 by Nathalie Abejero 24 Comments

Welcome to the March 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Everyday Superheroes

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have talked about the remarkable people and characteristics that have touched their lives. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants…

Nothing against workdays at the office. There’s something to be said for air-conditioned comfort when the blistering sun and uneven roads await activities that donors have pledged tax dollars for. Besides, all the preparatory, follow-up and administrative work is necessary.

But fieldwork is where the action is – where meaningful interactions happen and that flash of inspiration hits, giving you hope that what you’re doing in the bulk of your waking hours matter. So I look forward to these jaunts to the countryside.

Out on the national roads, rice fields stretch into the distance, peppered by swaying palms and coconut trees, and the occasional thatched hut on stilts. Small figures dot the landscape. Through the planting and harvest seasons these fields are full of activity. I instinctively zero in on the women – mothers, some of them pregnant or with a baby slung on their back (or both!) – toiling in the fields. The moment you become a mother you’re initiated into a global kinship that transcends the range of social constructs. We have something big in common. And like each of us surviving our own realities, that mom in the field has her own unique angle on motherhood.

Three years ago, my ten hours of labor ended in an emergency cesarean. I have no complaints. Ours was the most purpose driven pregnancy. My husband and I took birthing courses (plural). I tried yoga and meditation sessions, continued running until I was well over 5 months then kept to an exercise regimen, and ate a balanced, chemical-free diet. My body was in good shape by the time we came to term. Giving birth in Cambodia was out of the question for reasons following, and there were few birthing centers reasonably accessible, so off we flew to Bangkok for the best nearby hospital (baby-friendly!) and obstetrician (low cesarean rate!). We even hired a doula and pre-booked the premier birthing suite equipped with yoga balls, ladders and swings, a birthing pool and Beethoven on the playlist. We did what we could to ensure a smooth delivery, but the medical safety net was in place in case of complications.

It was an ordeal, and when I think of courage, I think back to this time and what all mothers go through. (On this note – how did the tradition of celebrating the child in birthdays start? Isn’t mom the hero on this anniversary?)

Contrast my experience with the birthing reality of the women in those rice paddies. A decade ago, maternal deaths were so common that everyone knew someone who died in childbirth. Most births weren’t even attended by skilled attendants. “Giving birth is like crossing a river,” goes an old Khmer proverb; it was so dangerous that families prepared for the likelihood of losing the mother, the baby, or both.

With concerted effort, significant gains were made in decreasing maternal mortality, but the proverb still holds. The country is recovering from decades of war, so the building blocks of a functional medical system are still being laid. Maternal care in the capital is improving, but standards are generally low in rural areas.

Imagine bouncing over unpaved country roads in a steel wagon pulled by a motorbike – while in labor – to get to the one health facility in tens of miles. When you arrive, the facility might not have sufficient drugs (like anesthesia), supplies (like soap, water, a sterile delivery kit), or power (because electricity is at a premium). You assume the health staff can handle a normal birth (at least), but the likelihood of her being current in emergency obstetric and newborn care is abysmal (clinical training is poor). Not only is income for health staff so low it doesn’t cover her family’s basic needs but, worse, salaries are routinely months behind in payment. This means staff rely on multiple income generating activities (will there even be anyone at the facility when you arrive, in labor?).

With every delivery I witness here, I’m left deeply impressed at how women – not just Khmer, but all over the developing world – enter motherhood in full realization it might literally be the death of them. The possibility of death from obstetric complications or from a vaccine-preventable illness before baby’s first birthday never crossed my mind. My biggest worries were sore nipples, how to keep the baby latched during takeoffs and landings, and finding spare parts for my Medela Pump-in-Style here in Southeast Asia.

Most pregnancies end in a natural process with a healthy mama and baby. Through factors beyond our control, our first birth happened to be in the small percentage that resulted in complication. What would have been our outcome had I been one of these women, whose odds of surviving childbirth (or baby surviving the first year) can be like rolling dice?

There are no bounds to the strength of motherhood. We all put our heroic best forward. But I am deeply humbled by the courage and heroism of mothers in the figurative global “South”. In this day and age, that childbirth is so dangerous for millions of women is a remarkable commentary on humanity and the idea of progress. Born in a developing country myself, I count my blessings every day. Courage? It’s all relative, and sometimes I feel like I know little about it.

Photos from the field
Facilities are open air, so animals routinely wander into health centers and hospitals. Infection control standards were introduced in the health sector only as recently as 2010.

Few health professionals were left after the wars, so cadres of youth were hastily trained to fill demand. Training was applied with little coordination by the government and aid community, with each donor using their own curriculum, training materials, and value system for interventions (cultural approaches to health and medicine differ by region eg Spanish vs French colonies, Europe vs Asia, etc). To be fair, it can take years of collaboration across sectors to agree on protocols and regulation – a luxury Cambodia didn’t have immediately following the wars.

The challenge today (and bulk of development work) is in the ongoing training of these clinicians while they’re in their post. It’s an inefficient use of resources but a necessary task for the Ministry of Health and its partners.

Transportation through provincial roads are by motorbike or “rumorque-moto” – essentially a wagon pulled by a motorbike. With unpaved roads continually molded by flooding and heavy rains, traveling by rumorque-moto or motorbike is not comfortable in the best of circumstances.

Many complications can be managed through simple, low-tech interventions, but staff are poorly trained to recognize the signs and act quickly on them.

Cambodia and Laos have the highest infant mortality rates in the region, due to illnesses easily preventable through better nutrition, immunization and proper sanitation.

Malnutrition is also prevalent, making growth monitoring very important. This is possible because, with high immunization coverage, every contact provides opportunity for health staff to check the child’s growth (eg measuring and charting height/length and weight). But this woman is lucky if the nurse in charge of vaccination bothers to take the baby’s measurements, or gives advice on proper nutrition and growth.

(This topic on Khmer mothers was chosen to commemorate International Women’s Day 2014, whose official theme is “Equality for women is progress for all.” Thanks for reading..)
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by afternoon March 11 with all the carnival links.)

I Am A Super Hero — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she learned the hard way exactly what it means to be a real super hero and not a burned out shell of a human simply pretending to be one.
Quiet Heroics — Heroism doesn’t have to be big and bold. Read how Jorje of Momma Jorje is a quiet hero…and how you probably are, too.
Not a Bang, but a Whisper {Carnival of Natural Parenting} — Meegs at A New Day talks about the different types of “superheroes,” ones that come in with a bang and ones that come in with a whisper.
Silent courage of motherhood in rural Cambodia — Nathalie at Kampuchea Crossings marvels at how rural Khmer women defy the odds in childbirth.
Super Pappy — Mother Goutte‘s little boy met a superhero in checked slippers and Volkswagen Polo, his grand dad: Super Pappy!
An Open Letter to Batman — Kati at The Best Things challenges Batman to hold up his end of the deal, in the name of social justice, civic duty, and a little boy named Babe-O!
My Village — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on the people who helped her to become her best self.
5 Lessons My Kids Taught Me — Children are amazing teachers, when we only stop to listen. They remind us to choose happiness, to delight in the small things, to let go and forgive. There is so much we can learn from our children. Justine at The Lone Home Ranger shares a few of the lessons she’s learned.
Could you use some superpowers? — Tat at Mum in search shares a fun activity to help you connect with your own superpowers.
Like Fire Engines — Tam at tinsenpup tells the story of the day she saw a surprising superhero lurking in the guise of her not entirely mild-mannered four-year-old daughter.
Everyday Superheroes — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her list of Walker Warburg Syndrome Superheroes that have touched her life forever.
My Superhero of the Week: Nancy Gallagher — Tribal Mama muses about the transcendent things her superhero mom has done.
My choice in natural birth does not make me a super hero — Bianca, The Pierogie Mama, discusses her thoughts on her experience with the perception of natural birth and putting those mamas on a different level. Does giving birth naturally give cause for an extra pat on the back? No! All mamas, no matter how they birth, are superheroes.
Someone’s Hero — Sometimes being a parent means pretending to be a grown-up, but it always means you are someone’s hero. Read Mandy’s lament at Living Peacefully with Children.
Growing into a Super Hero — Casey at Joyful Courage shares how owning our behavior and choosing to be a better parent, a better person, is an act of courage.
A Math Superhero — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling writes that her 7-year-old daughter’s superhero is an MIT-trained mathematician.
It Starts With Truffula Trees And Tulips — Luschka of Diary of a First Child takes a hard look at the realities of her relationship with her mother, and through this post goes on a journey of discovery that ends in a surprise realisation for her.
We Don’t Need an Excuse — Maria Kang (aka “Hot Mom”) asks women #WhatsYourExcuse for not being in shape? Dionna at Code Name: Mama asks Hot Mom what her excuse is for not devoting her life to charity work, or fostering dozens of stray dogs each year, or advocating for the needs of others. Better yet, Code Name: Mama says, how about we realize that every woman has her own priorities. Focus on your own, and stop judging others for theirs.
It’s not heroic when you’re living it — Lauren at Hobo Mama knows from the inside that homeschooling does not take a hero, and that much of what we choose as parents is simply what works best for us.
Superheroes, princesses and preschoolers — Garry at Postilius discusses why his preschool-age son is not ready for comic book superheroes.
The Loving Parents of Children with Special Needs – Everyday Superheroes — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares posts with resources for parents of children with special needs along with posts to help others know how to support parents of children with special needs.
Everyday Empathy — Mommy Giraffe of Little Green Giraffe shares why her secret superpower is everyday empathy.
The Simplicity of Being a Superhero — Ana at Panda & Ananaso explains what superheroes mean to her wise three-year-old.
My Father, The Hero — Fathers are pretty amazing; find out why Christine at The Erudite Mom thinks hers is the bees knees.

Tuk-tuk rides: Look, ma, no seatbelt!

26 May 2012 by Nathalie Leave a Comment

This little monkey is a a terror in the tuk-tuk. Thankfully the tuk tuk driver, Rithy, drives fairly slowly and cautiously, occasionally watching the boy from the rearview mirrors to make sure he hadn’t fallen out (which is sadly his only use of these implements that we can determine). But luckily he fell asleep after we let him use the vehicle as a jungle gym for 20 minutes. A sleeping boy makes for a happy Papa!

the problem with the way we handled attachment parenting

19 May 2012 by Nathalie Leave a Comment

The above image is from the 21 May 2012 issue of TIME magazine. “Are you mom enough?” – That headline just grabs you, doesn’t it, questioning your values and your parenting.

One thing we didn’t anticipate, in all the planning and discussions about attachment parenting, is the difficulties in teaching our son to put himself to sleep, and to soothe himself back to sleep when he twitches awake in the night – without me.

For the past 16 months I was perfectly happy to oblige his every request. I’m quite fortunate to work for an employer who’s flexible to the needs of new mothers. There’s a nursery at the office so you can nurse or pump during the workday, and until the child is a year old s/he and the nanny can be taken on work trips to the provinces.

Plus, the boy is not a cuddler, so the time together -even when he wants to use me as a pacifier for extended periods of time- is precious to me.

Hubby and I just assumed he would eventually begin nursing less at night. But he hasn’t, and now it’s starting to feel like a chain. We’ve tried all the “gentle” ways to teach our son to sleep (we bought all the Pantley books). And after trying for six months, none of the recommendations worked. We’d like to once in a while have a quiet night in, watching a movie after he falls asleep. Instead, every night starting around seven (I get home from work around 530-6pm), we begin his bedtime routine and he falls asleep anywhere between 2-3 hours later!, nursing!

So today is Day One of detachment parenting, where I’ll sleep at our neighbor’s every night until our son can (hopefully!) put himself to sleep with just Papa in the house. There’ll be a lot of crying and temper tantrums from this high-need little baby, but hopefully there’s sanity at the end of the tunnel. This isn’t to say we don’t recommend attachment parenting, just that we’d probably attack the sleep issue early on and not let it become a problem.

Healthy baby girl, FREE to whoever can feed her

29 April 2012 by Nathalie Abejero 3 Comments

As a mom, it tears at my heart. It was shocking at the same time that I know it meant a better life for the baby.

It’s commonplace, but I don’t often personally see or hear of it. A woman gave birth to a healthy baby girl around 7am, at a health center where we were field-testing some questionnaires. Usually anyone admitted to a facility is accompanied by throngs of family members, who provide the care to the patient that back home would be done by health staff (eg providing meals, making sure medicines are taken, changing the dressings etc). But there was no one with this very young mother. She was thin, ragged, and very weak. She breastfed the baby a bit, on prompting by the staff, but by evening someone noticed that she hadn’t eaten all day. She couldn’t afford it – not even a bowl of porridge (around 2000 Riel or US$0.50) from the lady carrying pots and bowls in baskets balanced on a bamboo pole.

The new mother asked the staff to look for someone to take the baby because she couldn’t afford to feed her. As it turns out, my colleague has an older sister who is unable to bear children, so she agreed to take the baby for her sister. She offered some money to the staff and the staff gave a portion of it to the mother.

My colleague’s sister has had the baby now for a week. She loves the baby like her own, and she registered the birth so according to official records she is the biological mother. I wondered about the poor woman, but my colleague has no plans to find her or keep in touch. I suppose that’s only natural.

As a side note, civil registration was introduced in Cambodia only as recently as 2002, and by 2005 only 5% of the population was registered. There’s no requirement on health facilities to do more than report the number of births (to the Ministry of Health). The family takes responsibility for registering the birth (to the Sangkat or Commune, who facilitates the registration with the Ministry of Interior and birth certificate to the baby). This proof of existence is a person’s ticket to citizenship and provides the evidence needed for claims to social services and benefits. A country’s database of vital events like births, deaths, marriages helps the government determine the best use of resources eg public health programming.

Phnom Tamao Wildlife Sanctuary

27 April 2012 by Nathalie 1 Comment

Desperately seeking green spaces in Phnom Penh?

Just 40 km outside Phnom Penh is a rescue center for injured or trafficked animals. There are over 80 species including macaques, lions, tigers, bears, gibbons and crocodiles – most are endangered, rescued from the wildlife trade. The sanctuary sprawls across 2500 hectares of protected forest.

It wasn’t as terrible as I expected (small concrete cages with animals pacing in the heat, going mad) and the handlers are quite knowledgeable. Tristan got to see many animals he has only ever seen in pictures. To boot, there are a lot of trees with shaded areas. They’re working on putting the crocodiles on a feeding schedule so that they can put shows on during the weekends like the elephants do.

We’ll be going back for another visit! The images above are from Keith Kelly’s photostream of Phnom Tamao Wildlife Sanctuary. And Wildlife Alliance has great coverage of the animals and events at the zoo. Chhouk the elephant with a prosthetic leg was even featured on the TODAY show in the US back in November 2011.

Update Feb 10, 2014: We had a birthday party at Phnom Tamao this year, which was a great hit!